Passing By
by foreversnow
Summary: ONESHOT. She shouldn’t care so much anymore; if he wanted to get further away from her, then she had to do /her/ part, too. —NatsumeMikan


**Passing By  
****by foreversnow**

**00.  
**"_Your hands are cold."  
_"_Yeah, well, that's because you're not holding them."_

* * *

**01.**

As the years passed, Mikan began to notice his different habits; the way he acted when he was angry, or how he'd hug her close whenever he sensed her sadness. The thing that really bothered her, though, was the habit of pulling away from her when he was hiding something; something he didn't want her to find out.

Instead of trying to talk about it, or at least telling her what was going on, he'd push her away and tell her to go to home, or to mind her own business, and she'd stay silent. What was she supposed to do when he acted completely different from the person he said he was now? She couldn't talk about it to her friends, especially since she knew they'd end up getting hurt by Natsume in the end.

But really, they'd been together for almost six years now; they were already nineteen-year-olds. They'd gone through so much together; the Alice war proved to be what got them together to this day. Shouldn't that mean that he would trust her with his secrets by now?

Staring down into her coffee, Mikan sighed, the urge to stomp her feet and act like a little kid popping up in her mind.

She was sitting alone inside a small coffee shop; it had started raining when she was walking back to her apartment after visiting Hotaru, so she'd quickly run inside the closest place she could find.

Sitting alone by herself in a place where no one knew her, she suddenly started to think about Natsume, something she'd been trying to stop doing for the last few days.

**02.**

He'd left. No one had seen him for days, and his apartment still had everything in place; nothing had been moved at all since he disappeared.

Staring into her coffee, she closed her eyes when she saw his face, frustrated with the fact that, even after everything he'd done, she still cared for him. This wouldn't be the first time he did something like this; sometimes he'd disappear for weeks on end.

Whatever was bothering him this time, it was something he had to deal with on his own. She felt like screaming. What would it take for him to trust her? All she ever did was worry about him; her whole _life _revolved around him. Didn't he _see _that?

After finishing her coffee and inwardly fighting with herself, she started walking back to her apartment.

She shouldn't be thinking so much about this. It would only end up hurting her even more. Her vision blurred with hidden tears. _Then what would it do to __**him**__?_ In the end, he ended up even more hurt than she was. He just had a better way of hiding it.

Of course, he'd had practice. It's what got him through school; through everything that made his heart ache.

Ever since they met all those years ago, she'd known their lives wouldn't be normal. He was internally conflicted and she was just too much of an airhead to ever completely understand him. She should have gotten used to his behavior by now; sometimes her good attitude got on his bad side.

They're relationship was bound to fail; that's what everyone thought. _Of course, they never told it to my face. _Unlocking the front door to her apartment, she feels the tears start to fall. _Maybe they were right after all…_

Her original plan that day had been to throw herself on her couch and cry her eyes out like she usually would when she was alone, but it didn't seem like she would be able to today.

Someone was already sitting on her couch. The moment she walked in, his eyes fell on hers, and she felt her heart skip a beat.

"What are you doing here?" Her voice cracked, with the slight hint of anger behind them. She hadn't expected him to be waiting for her in her own _home_; even worse, she was _crying_. The tears wouldn't stop falling.

_Right_. She shouldn't care so much anymore; if he wanted to get farther away from her, then she had to do her part too.

Her eyes drifted away from his quickly, but not fast enough to not notice the look of irritation that spread on his face. Her body was stiff as she took the few steps into the kitchen. She needed something to stand between them; standing behind the counter would have to do.

Almost instantly, she felt his hand wrap around her wrist, pulling her to a stop. "We need to talk, Mikan."

Her eyes went wide. _Those words… _Did he finally realize that he was better off without her? Or did he find someone like him; someone who could understand his pain?

She tried to shake his hand off, but his grip only got tighter. "Natsume, let me _go_!" Her voice sounded hysterical; her anger and confusion and every other emotion she was feeling were all laid out for him to see. _What the hell am I doing? _

She hated showing this side of herself to him. It made her look _weak_, and she didn't want him to see her like that. She was supposed to be strong; for him.

She felt his grip loosen, and she was about to walk towards her room, when she felt his hand on her shoulder. "Natsume, what—?" She turned to look at him, and he pulled her towards him, burying his face in the crook of her neck. He'd long ago grown taller than she was, so she just stood there, staring at his hair. She couldn't talk; if she did, she was afraid she'd only cry harder. What was he doing? This wasn't something he would do.

In the end, she was the first one to speak. It only took one word from her to make him start talking. "Natsume…"

His voice was muffled, and she could feel his breath fanning against her neck as he spoke, "I'm…sorry, Mikan. I didn't…" He sighed. "Those nightmares…they won't stop. Sometimes I'd even wake up and find that I'd burned stuff in my sleep…" His voice was lowering, so close to being desperate that Mikan tightened her grip on his shirt, her other hand stroking his hair gently. Natsume never showed his weak side; to _anybody_. Having him act like this, it made her heart ache.

"I didn't want to wake up one day and find that I'd hurt _you_." He lifted his head up, looking her in the eyes, and she could see his fear reflected on them. "Even in my _dreams_, I'd hurt you." He started looking away when he whispered, "Sometimes, I'd even _kill _you." His hands were shaking. She put her hands on his face, making him look at her again.

The tears she'd been shedding before came back, and she could feel more of them coming as she spoke. "You _idiot_. Why didn't you tell me this before? I could have _helped _you. You didn't have to go through this _alone_." She placed a kiss on his lips gently, ignoring the fact that her tears were blurring her vision. She smiled, and a sob escaped her lips. "I love you, remember?"

His eyes didn't look fearful anymore. Instead, he looked at her with the same look he only reserved for her; the look she'd come to call her own. Leaning down towards her, he rested his forehead against hers, his eyes closed. Hers closed almost on reflex. Parting his lips slightly, he said in a gentle tone, "Yeah, I know."

She started to laugh, and she could feel his chest vibrate as he chuckled as well.

When the room fell silent, she opened her eyes and found him staring down at her, his forehead still pressed against hers. She breathed in once; no matter how many times she looked into his eyes, they always seemed to pull her in.

His lips were on hers in a second, at first gentle, then faster, more desperate. He'd been gone for _days_; whenever that happened, he'd end up kissing her nonstop, which she usually didn't mind at all.

Breathing heavily, she whispered, "I-I really missed you, you know…do you think—do you think you could spend the night? Just sleeping, I mean." The blush that flared on her cheeks only seemed to spread when he smirked down at her.

"Sure."


End file.
